Fat Orange Monster and the Dumbass War Once upon a time, the Fat Orange Monster
started a war. He couldn't quite say why he did it, only that he wanted to. And
in this country that he went to war with was a river. This was a very important
river. A river that all the goods flowed through. The wood to keep houses warm.
The hay to keep horses fed. It was a very, very important river. Without this
river, everything became very, very expensive. And the people were suffering.
And so the people asked, "Excuse me, Mr. Monster, why did we go to war?
Everything is so expensive now." And the monster just shrugged. He didn't know.
And then the people asked, "When will this war be over?" He shrugged again. He
didn't know and didn't really care. And then the people asked, "What are we even
trying to do with this war?" And he shrugged and grumbled. And then they
wondered, "If we're so much bigger and tougher than this other country, why
didn't we plan to keep the river open?" "Oh, shut up!" The monster roared. "It's
everyone else's job to fix the river, okay? Not mine! It's not my fault! It's
not my fault!" He cried over and over. The people looked on confused and
worried. The monster, it seems, was having a bit of a complete and total
breakdown. And it was utterly apparent he had no plan, no goals, and chose to do
all this, and cause all this suffering, and all this pain, on a whim.